Internal Family Systems (IFS) Approach To Therapy Is a Fabulous Therapy for both Individuals and Couples
How To Make Friends With Yourself In A Beautiful And Respectful Way
IFS is a holistic, mindful and empowering approach to therapy. We feel immediately welcomed as we make friends with our inner world. IFS believes we have a system of parts internally that match other peoples’ parts, and if unchecked, we can set each other off.
Richard Schwartz, founder and Trainer of IFS says we are contained of many parts and no part is bad. The purpose is not to get rid of a part but to befriend it, and see what it needs from you and the outside world.
Positive Growth and Health
One reason we begin looking for a therapist is when we can’t get along with someone we value. IFS is a powerful therapy helping individuals and couples.
Working With Couples
Relationship struggles reveal dysfunctional patterns where one or both partners have unresolved attachment injuries or situational traumas. For example an individual or couple in therapy becomes vulnerable and feels ashamed to open up in front of their partner.
The therapist works gently to encourage trust between their core self and hurt exile part which is vulnerable so they can open up. Richard Schwartz reminds us that all our parts, even our hurt parts are good because they hold our resources and talents and make us who we are.
IFS therapy helps us know ourselves and heal. The framework consists of making it known to the client what their core self is by asking them to locate their ‘go to’ talent or resource quality. For example courage, compassion, clarity, creativity, confidence, or curiosity. Choosing your self leader quality then supports you to be with a part that is either a young child exile part or a adolescent protector part. Everyone has a self leader and it knows how to heal us.
Returning to the vulnerable part of the couple they can turn toward the vulnerability with curiosity and be unafraid to get to know it.
Unburdening Personal or Family Legacy Burdens
Jay Early, Author and Psychotherapist writes when our wounded parts are extreme in their reactions to our loved ones it’s time to do some unburdening. The extreme role, such as withdrawing and giving the silent treatment or verbally dumping is learnt early in life from being in a traumatic situation to manage an intolerable event. We will feel stuck and not know how to get along with our mate, if we perpetuate the learnt role that isn’t working.
IFS therapy helps us learn about our child part, such as social awkwardness and unburden the weight of the trauma. We feel liberated when we can cry in front of our partner and reveal our hurt. Our partner grows in understanding about us and can treat us more lovingly. Trust is restored in ourselves and our partner.
People regain hope in the initial therapy session when they learn they can retire from outdated behaviours that no longer serve them. IFS therapy has a 90% success rate and we know it works. Once you achieve your goal for therapy, the therapy has a lasting change on your life, such as having a life long relationship.
References
Richard Schwartz, Author : No Parts Are Bad
Jay Earley, Author: Negotiating For Self Leadership